Cavalier Lily's Diary / Cavalier Lily's Diary: Suicide Attempt (2008/09/12)

Cavalier Lily's Diary

昨日までのアクセス TOP Japanese

Contents by Year:


08/12/31	Studying Japanese
08/12/30	rice planting
08/12/29	Evening beach
02/12/24	Christmas in Germany
08/12/24	Christmas Party
08/12/24	Christmas preparations
08/12/24	The children are doing well.
08/12/23	Gigin and Lily's relationship
08/12/22	Gian, Jinny, Starry Sky
08/12/21	children
08/12/21	The surrounding scenery
08/12/19	The common people's market
08/12/18	Christmas is just around the corner.
08/12/16	Garden flowers
08/12/15	Junjun's brother
08/12/12	Room renovation work
08/12/12	Christmas decorations
08/12/12	Sunrise
08/12/11	My home
08/12/10	Lily playing in the sea
08/12/10	The streets of Osamis
08/12/09	Sisters' Reunion
08/12/09	Arrived in Osamis
08/12/08	Ferry to Osamis
08/12/07	Tops
08/12/06	Buy a car
08/12/05	Gigi's driving lessons
08/12/05	NIKKEI GARDEN HOTEL
08/12/04	Gigi's driving lessons
08/12/04	Preparing for life in Cebu
08/12/01	Arrived in Cebu
08/12/01	Kansai International Airport Animal Quarantine Station
08/12/01	A new journey, a new life
08/11/30	Gigi has caught a cold for the second time.
08/11/29	Two days until the move
08/11/23	Autumn deepens
08/11/22	moving
08/11/21	Busy days
08/11/16	Antibody level test results
08/11/16	Gigi catches a cold.
08/11/15	Autumn leaves in the garden
08/11/11	In Mommy's arms
08/11/11	Lily import permit from the Philippines
08/11/10	Spending time with family
08/11/09	Preparing to move
08/11/06	Himeji Castle, a World Heritage Site
08/11/05	Rabies antibody test
08/11/03	Bye bay my CAR

08/11/01	hibiscus
08/10/31	Rabies vaccination
08/10/30	Running towards the setting sun
08/10/27	Lily also plays tennis.
08/10/27	I found a little bit of autumn!
08/10/25	ring
08/10/22	In the car
08/10/21	In the gentle sunset
08/10/20	Gigi's first paycheck
08/10/19	Running at Itami Mountain Lodge
08/10/19	Sleeping posture
08/10/18	Homemade meals
08/10/16	Dad's illness, part 2
08/10/15	Flowers
08/10/15	Wild cockscomb (Igeinotou)
08/10/13	Cosmos 2
08/10/11	Marigold
08/10/10	Dahlia Garden
08/10/10	tennis
08/10/08	Cosmos
08/10/07	autumn colors
08/10/06	A walk
08/10/05	Katsuoji Temple
08/10/04	Gigi's arrival at work
08/10/03	Autumn flower bed - 2
08/09/27	Autumn flower bed
08/09/26	Birthday party
08/09/25	Autumn flowers
08/09/24	sunset
08/09/22	Dad had an MRI scan.
08/09/21	prohibited from going out
08/09/19	cluster amaryllis
08/09/18	Amagasaki Prefectural Hospital, Day 2
08/09/17	Hyogo Prefectural Amagasaki Hospital
08/09/15	My treasure
08/09/14	flower field
08/09/12	Dad's illness
08/09/10	Gigi's commute to work
08/09/09	Could it be an earthquake cloud
08/09/05	Ikko Park
08/09/04	My first attempt at sushi
08/09/03	Taking a nap
08/09/01	Various expressions
08/08/30	Morning walk
08/08/28	Ordinary lifesaving training
08/08/27	Lily's sleeping posture
08/08/25	Lily is an angel
08/08/21	New Lily Mama is born.
08/08/20	Japanese language course
08/08/19	Gigi using chopsticks!
08/08/18	Playing with cicadas
08/08/16	Lily loves Gigi
08/08/13	Morning run
08/08/11	To Todai-ji Temple in Nara
08/08/09	To my parents' house
08/08/07	Pak!
08/08/06	A little heartwarming story
08/08/04	Gigi summer fatigue
08/08/02	Bon Odori (traditional Japanese dance festival)
08/08/01	Gigi and Lily's walk
08/07/30	Gigi and Lily's walk
08/07/29	hot
08/07/21	Water play
08/07/20	To the hair salon
08/07/19	FM COCOLO event
08/07/18	Commemorative photo
08/07/12	Taking a nap
08/07/09	Japanese language classes
08/07/08	run!
08/07/07	Tanabata
08/07/06	Evening walk
08/07/01	Yume-chan
08/06/29	Lily's bedwetting
08/06/28	stand
08/06/22	The rainy season has begun.
08/06/13	4th Family Anniversary
08/06/12	Lily flower
08/06/08	I'm in great shape today
08/06/07	Evening walk
08/06/06	Impatiens
08/06/01	Cavalier King Charles Spaniel Ponta
08/05/30	Homemade meals
08/05/27	Vomiting and homemade food
08/05/26	Impatiens
08/05/24	Rainy Saturday
08/05/23	Four cabarets in the park
08/05/21	A busy day
08/05/19	Gigi's Cooking 2
08/05/18	Arimafuji Park
08/05/17	Gigi's fresh green leaves
08/05/16	Morning walk
08/05/14	Lily runs
08/05/13	Gigi's cuisine
08/05/11	Rose garden
08/05/08	Gigi's study desk
08/05/06	Last day of the long weekend
08/05/04	stroll
08/05/03	Lily and Gigi
08/05/03	Lily's health
08/04/29	4th birthday
08/04/28	angel angel
08/04/27	Full of flowers
08/04/26	Morning walk
08/04/25	Carpet of flowers
08/04/22	Gegi runs
08/04/21	Spring Flowers
08/04/20	Takarazuka Garden Fields
08/04/19	Cherry blossom viewing at the Japan Mint
08/04/17	Studying Japanese
08/04/15	Double-flowered cherry blossoms
08/04/14	Tulips in the park
08/04/13	Morning walk
08/04/12	Going to Kyoto with Gigi
08/04/09	Evening walk
08/04/06	Osaka Castle
08/04/05	Cherry blossoms are in full bloom.
08/04/04	About Japan VISA
08/04/03	Studying Japanese
08/04/01	Lily's bath
08/03/30	Kobe Foreign Residences
08/03/29	Mount Rokko and the Akashi Kaikyo Bridge
08/03/29	A delicate relationship
08/03/28	Tempozan Aquarium Kaiyukan
08/03/26	kimono
08/03/23	Visiting my parents' home
08/03/21	Osaka's Sky Garden
08/03/20	Gigi comes to Japan
08/03/16	rape blossoms
08/03/15	A warm Saturday
08/03/10	Kanpizakura
08/03/09	Hiking in Ikko Park
08/03/04	Business trip with Dad
08/03/01	Ann again
08/02/26	Playing with plastic bottles
08/02/24	Lots of Cavalier King Charles Spaniels
08/02/23	Greenhouse in the park
08/02/22	Now Dad has diarrhea.
08/02/19	Severe diarrhea
08/02/17	Sunny with occasional light snow
08/02/15	Evening walk
08/02/11	Nose no Sato
08/02/10	The day after heavy snow
08/02/09	Heavy snow since this morning
08/02/05	Kansai Airport Animal Quarantine Station
08/02/03	Sunday walk
08/01/25	Business trip to Shiga Prefecture
08/01/20	Hotpot
08/01/06	pansy
08/01/02	Sleeping soundly in the sun
08/01/01	happy new year

Cavalier Lily's DiarySuicide attempt (2008/09/12)
Cavalier, Lily

This day last year...
September 12, 2007.

attempted suicide.

This is not Lily.

Actually, Lily's dad had been taking sleeping pills for insomnia for some time, but.
I was so shocked by being laid off in May that I've increased the amount of medication I'm taking besides sleeping pills, and now I'm taking eight pills a day.

The condition fluctuates, sometimes improving, sometimes worsening. It seems the best course of action is to learn to live with it for the rest of my life.

but····

Why would someone reveal such private information? (Angry Gigi) I hope to help dispel some of the prejudice against depression. This means that if you get this disease, the risk of recurrence and the resulting losses are significant. I want people to understand that even with depression, I'm still a normal human being. If you happen to meet Lily while she's out for a walk, I'd be happy if you treat her the same way you always have.
November 2007.	To make a living, I got a job at a small rebar processing company in Osaka (Roku x O Industries). But, I'm not even used to the Osaka dialect yet, so will I be okay?	○
March 2008.	Gigi comes to Japan.	◎
May 2008.	I just can't get used to working at Rokux○ Industries. Manager M is on the phone with a supplier. Manager M is scary; he yells, cries, and threatens me while I'm talking about the estimate results. A department head at a small company who can't manage his employees is nothing but useless junk. When the machine broke down due to my mistake, the manufacturing manager said 'What are you going to do about it? Take responsibility, you idiot!'. They threatened me using language that sounded just like that of a yakuza. I said 'My responsibility is to repair it as quickly as possible.' back for the first time, but I was actually scared. I was in charge of creating quality data, but the durability data to be submitted to the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism was handled by Department Head M and others. All they think about is how to falsify it. Ultimately, this company couldn't make the most of me. Dismissal notice from the company I submitted a doctor's note diagnosing me with depression and was granted sick leave until my last day of employment. I married Gigi before retiring.	×
May 2008.		◎
June 2008.	Running around gathering the necessary documents for my marriage to Gigi I became unemployed and tried to find a job at the public employment office, but I couldn't find one. Since May, I have been experiencing palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, restlessness, exhaustion, insomnia, and loss of appetite. I'm so happy to be able to spend the whole day with Gigi.	△ × × ◎
July 2008.	I was told that Gigi's change of residence status would take three months. When I asked for the reason, they only told me it was for the purpose of the review. I rarely go out to save money, but we always do things together.	△ × ◎
August 2008.	I check the mailbox every day, anxiously waiting for a letter from the immigration office. It's incredibly stressful. And then there's the stress of not having a job. But Gigi encourages me with 'Not having a job is a very small problem. Hang in there!'	× × ◎
September 2008.	Finally, Gigi's change of status of residence was approved, and she started working. She was hired immediately after her first interview. I've had many interviews, but I still haven't found a job. I had intended to greet Gigi with a smile after her first day of work, but the moment I saw her face, I couldn't stop crying. Since May, I have been experiencing palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, restlessness, and a general lack of energy both physically and mentally. Even though I'm happy because I'm with Gigi, sometimes tears suddenly start flowing and I can't stop them.	○ × × ×
September 2008.	My unemployment benefits run out at the end of September. How am I going to live? Gigi always greets 'I have my salary, don't I?' with a smile. For about 10 days after the start of September, I couldn't sleep even after taking sleeping pills, or I would wake up in the middle of the night. Despite that, I feel more energetic than usual during the day and don't get sleepy. Even after taking sleeping pills, I can't sleep, so I sometimes take Lily for a walk in the middle of the night and spend about an hour outside. (It's definitely coming...♪ The depressive state will return.) I learned about disability pensions at the city hall, but the assessment takes several months, and apparently, in the case of depression, it's only around a Grade 3 disability. I haven't been able to sleep even after taking sleeping pills for 10 days, so I'm going to the hospital tomorrow.	× ◎ × × × ×
September 11, 2008.	As usual, I woke up in the middle of the night and took Lily for a walk. Perhaps because of the sleeping pills, I was awake but my body was wobbly. I don't remember much of what happened after that. I was sitting on the balcony railing when Lily barked at my voice saying "'Lily Bye Bye'" and Gigi woke up (really?). Gigi pulled me inside the balcony, then called my parents' house. 2 AM. After that, paramedics and police arrived and there was a big commotion, but I was drowsy so I don't really know what happened. I must have been outside for a long time because I was so cold and my whole body ached. My father rushed over and stayed up all night looking after me. Gigi hugged me while I was shivering and fell asleep with me. This morning, my cell phone had fallen into the parking lot below, so Gigi picked it up for me. For some reason, it was undamaged.	×
September 12, 2008.	My mother took me to the hospital for a medical examination and counseling. Following the doctor's instructions, I will be staying at my parents' house for a while. Gigi lives too far away to commute, so she only comes to my parents' house on her days off. If I'm staying at my parents' house to prevent suicide, I want to be hospitalized near my home. I've already requested this from the doctor. Gigi got really angry at me. Gigi's sister also got angry at me via YahooIM. I'm sorry, Gigi. I want to say 'I won't do it again.', but it all happened unconsciously.
x month x day 2011.	I want to move to Gigi's hometown with her as soon as possible.
September 13, 2008.	Today, too, I've had this indescribable, unpleasant feeling accumulating in my chest since this evening. The more you want to escape quickly, the darker the shadows that follow you. Lily is sleeping peacefully, looking content after taking walks with her grandfather and playing with him inside the house.
September 10, 2008 September 14, 2008.